Where the Quest Takes Us 2
by Mr. Jupiter
Summary: WUSSCASE is back with a whole new hilarious adventure! Isaac and Ivan are summoned to investigate mysterious rumours coming from the Tolbi area. And maybe, just maybe, a few old friends will be there to give them a hand.
1. Of Dwarves and Fries

Disclaimer: The rights to Golden Sun or any of it's characters do not belong to me, because I sold them! end joke But seriously.

**Where the Quest Takes Us 2**

One day, in the secluded dwarven village of Loho, a spiky blonde-haired man was sitting in a beach chair on top of a house, soaking in the sun. That is, he would be, if it wasn't currently raining outside.

"Ahhhhh..." sighed the man.

"Why are you lying around in the rain, you fool?" asked a nearby dwarf.

"Rain? What rain? Is it raining?"

"Uh yeah..." said the dwarf.

"Oh. Cool." replied the blonde man.

"You're such an idiot." the dwarf said under his breath as he headed back inside.

"YOU'RE JUST LUCKY IT ISN'T TWO MONTHS AGO, OR YOU'D BE IMPALED ON A RANDOM SHARP OBJECT!"

"Why? What was two months ago?" asked a nearby dwarf.

"Oh, you people are STUPID! I already told you: It was when some weird ass dude was making me turn psychotic whenever someone looked at me the wrong way."

"Oh yeah... Now I remember."

"Good for you. Now go fetch me some cheese. I grow tired of this giant cracker on which I have been chewing."

"Uh, Isaac, that's not a cracker, that's a pair of pants." said the dwarf, holding back a laugh.

"What? WHO REPLACED MY CRACKER WITH PANTS?" Isaac screamed.

"You never had a cracker you dolt!" the dwarf answered, smacking Isaac in the back of the head.

"Hey! You can't smack me! I'm your god!" Isaac protested.

"How can you be anyone's god if no one worships you? 'Cause I know for a fact that, not only does everyone here NOT worship you, but half the town wishes you were dead. Furthermore..."

"Bite it, short stop!" Isaac said. "AND BRING ME SOME GODDAMN CHEESE!"

"Yes, milord..." the dwarf bowed, and walked inside.

"Bunch of ingrates... I shall SMITE THEM ALL!" Isaac laughed to himself, standing up from his soaked beach chair. "No, to go and find something to do." whilst taking a quick scan of the area, Isaac noticed that, just beyond the town's gate, there was an ominous cloaked figure heading towards the town.

"Here's your cheese, Isaac." said a dwarf, who had just appeared through the door holding a large wheel of cheese.

"Ah, excellent." said Isaac taking a large bite of the cheese wheel. "Now, go and find out who that ominous cloaked figure is and ask him why he's here."

"Yes, milord." the dwarf said respectfully, bowing as he left the rooftop.

Sometime later, Isaac had fallen asleep in his beach chair after eating his large wheel of cheese. The same dwarf that Isaac had sent to check on the cloaked figure was now standing beside him, poking Isaac with a stick. In the face.

"MMpphhhh..." Isaac mumbled, not waking up.

"Man, this dude can sleep." remarked the dwarf. "Maybe I should just go..."

"YOU GO NOWHERE!" Isaac yelled, suddenly wide awake.

"Wow. That was weird." said the dwarf.

"Did you find out who that ominous cloaked figure was, Oswin?" Isaac asked.

"My name is Craig."

"I DIDN'T ASK FOR YOUR NAME!" Isaac yelled. "I will not tolerate such insolence! YOU WILL DIE BY THOSE WORDS!"

"Sure I will. Anyway, the ominous cloaked figure wouldn't tell me his name, but he asked to see you. He's waiting at the tavern." explained Craig.

"I refuse to go and meet him... Unless... Do they still have those kickass curly fries?" Isaac asked.

"As far as I know." replied Craig, shrugging his shoulders.

"Than I am off to the tavern!" Isaac proclaimed, standing up. And with a mighty leap, he was in the air, plummeting towards the street.

"Fool." mumbled Craig as he walked back inside.

Isaac arrived at the tavern a number of minutes later, covered in dirt from his fall. Once inside, he immediately headed for the counter. "Hey, barkeep! Gimme some kickass curly fries and some milk!"

"Who drinks milk in a bar?" asked a rough looking man next to Isaac.

"Did I say milk? I meant HARD LIQUOR!" Isaac said. "Just... Forget the drink. I only got enough cash to pay for the kickass fries anyway."

"Go ahead and get something to drink. It's on me." said an ominous cloaked figure who had walked up behind Isaac.

"Hey, it's you! You're the dude who wanted to see me, right?" Isaac asked the man.

"Yes, and here I find you debating on whether or not to have milk with your kickass fries." replied the cloaked person.

"Why does everyone keep calling them kickass fries?"a nearby bar goer wondered aloud.

"Anyway, if you've got your fries, let's go somewhere quiet so I can explain why I'm here." suggested the cloaked guy.

"OH MY GOD!" Isaac wailed. "These fries effing RULE!"

"Oh, lord..." said the man, pulling Isaac outside by his cape thingy.

"MMMMM! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! These are so GOOD!" Isaac screamed, whilst eating his fries.

"Are you done?" asked the man, whose face was covered by his dark cloak.

"Yeah, fine. Why are you here?" Isaac asked.

"I am here representing WUSSCASE." replied the man.

"What is that, besides the FUNNIEST NAME EVER! HI-O!" Isaac laughed at his own joke.

"Oh... You idiot... WUSSCASE stands for Weyard's Unseeable Secret Service for the Covert Acquisition of Sagacity and Evidence. It's the spy service you joined NOT TWO MONTHS AGO." explained the man.

"Oh yeahhhh..." Isaac realised.

"Anyway, my name is Dr. Pepper." said the man.

"DUDE! YOU INVENTED DR. PEPPER? THAT DRINK IS THE BOMB!" Isaac proclaimed.

"No no... My NAME is Dr. Pepper. It's merely a coincidence."

"Oh."

"Anyway, I came to inform you that WUSSCASE requires the services of both you and your former accomplice Ivan." Pepper explained.

"Ivan? I haven't heard from Ivan for months. I'm assuming he's dead." Isaac said.

"Oh, he's far from dead. We've been keeping an eye on him since he left for the Apojii Islands." Pepper said.

"Oh. So, does that mean I get a free trip to Apojii to go get him?" Isaac asked hopefully.

"No, another agent is getting him right now. We are to meet them at WUSSCASE's secret headquarters as soon as possible."

"And when is that?" Isaac asked. "Do I have time to take a whiz before we leave?"

"Ugh...Yes." said Pepper, shaking his head.

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Mr. Jupiter: YO. 'Tis sequel time y'all! That's all I have to say, accept enjoy!


	2. Another Agent

Where the Quest Takes Us 2!

Chapter 2: Another Agent

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It was a sunny and warm day in the Apojii Islands that day. That fateful day. The same day during which Isaac met Dr. Pepper, another Adept, halfway across the world, was being summoned to the secret headquarters of WUSSCASE.

Ivan sat down on his favorite chair at the local cabana, which served his favorite drink: "That one pink thing that tastes kinda like bananas, but also like coffee." as Ivan called it.

"What can I get you today, Ivan?" asked the hostess kindly. "The usual?"

"What in the hell are you talking about? I've never been here before!" Ivan said in a loud and uneven voice. His eyes were red, and he seemed to be having trouble keeping his balance.

"Have you been eating Piers' mushrooms?" asked the hostess.

"Mushrooms? You mean the fungus-like muffins of infinite happiness?" Ivan wondered, nearly falling out of his chair.

"You have." stated the hostess. "You should leave. I don't take kindly to people walking into my cabana while they're HIGH AS A KITE!"

"You know, I once knew a man who made kites out of string he made from the hair on his ass." Ivan recited.

"Ugh. I hate stories told by mushroom eating lay abouts such as your self. Now please, just go." the hostess demanded.

"But you didn't give me anything yet!" Ivan protested. "Not even a hug..." he added, leaning over the counter to hug the hostess, who happened to be an attractive blonde girl.

"EWWW!" she screamed, kicking Ivan to the floor, where he remained. "Oh dear... I hope he's okay..."

"Eh. He's taken worse beatings and lived to tell the tale." remarked another attendee of the cabana. The person who made the remark was hiding their face in their pink-hemmed, baggy white robes. The person was not more than two feet tall, and laying against the table next to whoever-it-was, was a staff, which looked to be over twice as tall as the person.

"Who are you?" asked the hostess, raising an eyebrow. She had never seen such an odd-looking person before.

"Uh, my name's Quianodonnaryeevansyoduptorbespanol, but that's kinda hard to remember, so just call me Qui!" said the little person.

"Did I just hear someone say Quiano-something-dubya-something!" Ivan yelled, jerking up off the ground so he was sitting bolt upright.

"No you heard me say my NAME, you dolt." Qui corrected him, smacking him on the back of his head with her staff.

"Um, he's been around some hallucinogenic mushrooms today, so he'll be kind of ...out of it... for a couple of hours..." the hostess explained to Qui.

"What? Don't tell me one of my agents has a DRUG PROBLEM!" Qui said, her face turning red with anger. "You! Blondie! How long have you been using these hallucinogenic mushrooms!"

"Mushrooms? Huh?" Ivan muttered, with a bewildered look on his face, which was somewhat pale. "Oh yeah... Piers picks mushrooms and sells them. He gives me the ones that he can't sell. There musta been a hallucinogenic one in this morning's batch... Damn!"

"You mean you're not a drug addict?" Qui asked, her anger leaving, she breathed a sigh of relief.

"No! And now that my consciousness has returned, I am free to ask... Why the hell are YOU here?" Ivan said rudely, pointing his finger at Qui.

"I'm here because you're needed for another WUSSCASE mission." Qui explained. "You didn't think you could become an agent and just do ONE mission, did you?"

"What? You think I'm gonna work for you? After what you did to me last time?" argued Ivan.

"What, you mean finish your mission and take all of your pay because you're a weakling?" Qui asked innocently. "And look what I've reduced you to. You live in a tropical paradise, you earn your living by telling stories of your own bravery, and you sit at a seaside cabana and drink freshly prepared drinks all afternoon. Yeah, sucks to be you."

"Finally, someone who understands me!" Ivan proclaimed. "Wait a second... The way you said it, it don't sound so bad..." he added, evidently losing himself in thought.

"Yeah, well. Don't worry too much about not getting your pay. Our former director was sacked, and the new guy's a lot more... organized." Qui explained.

"Really?" Ivan asked, with a disbelieving look on his face. "'Cause I'll only do this if there's some guaranteed gold in it for me."

"No worries. The Director says he'll give us all 10, 000 gold, and pay for anything we need to complete the mission. If I were you, I'd accept. It's not every day an offer like this comes along."

Ivan looked at the ground and wrinkled his forehead in thought. After a minute of silence, he spoke up. "I'll do it, on one condition." he said.

"And what might that condition be?" asked Qui.

"I want to work with Isaac."

---

Meanwhile, halfway across the world, a very tired Issac was begging a very irked Pepper to "take a goddamn break." Pepper, however, maintained that they needed to be back at WUSSCASE's secret headquarters by noon the next day, and they wouldn't make it if they took too many breaks.

"C'mon! Just a half an hour!" Isaac begged, as sweat poured down his face.

"You're at least twenty years younger than I am, and you're whining about needing a break. I thought you saved the world. You should be in shape." lectured Dr. Pepper, not even turning around as he walked.

"Yeah, well... I've been having a VERY cozy existence for the last while, okay?" Isaac defended himself.

"I also heard from somewhere that you used to be very quiet. How about you revert to that?" Pepper suggested.

"How about I revert my boot up your ass?" Isaac said, lifting his right foot into the air.

"That doesn't make any sense at all. Now come on, we're nearly halfway to the hideout."

"HALFWAY! WE'VE BEEN WALKING FOR 18 FRICKIN' HOURS, AND WE'RE ONLY HALF-FRICKIN'-WAY? YOU'VE GOTTA BE FRICKIN' KIDDING ME!" Isaac bellowed, summoning a few earthen spires on a nearby bunny.

"I thought you solved your severe anger issues?" asked Pepper. "It would seem that was false intel."

"I'll false your intel!" threatened Isaac, shaking his fist menacingly at Dr. Pepper.

"You aren't making any sense, boy. Now, we must keep moving."

"Screw you! Screw WUSSCASE! Screw this FUGGIN' TRAIL! Would it've KILLED the guys who built it to include the occasional INN? I think not! So where's the inns? THERE ARE NONE!"

As Isaac ranted, Dr. Pepper continued to walk forward. When he was a good fifty yards ahead of Isaac, a fierce growl was heard. Pepper was startled, and didn't manage to move out of the way as a large black wolf leaped from atop a nearby cliff, right onto Pepper. "Isaac! Help me!" Pepper screamed.

"Oh, geez, that's one hell of a wolf. I bet it could swallow a man's head in one go." Isaac noted.

"YEAH, AND IT'S GOT ME PINNED TO THE GROUND! FIGHT IT, YOU FOOL!" Pepper yelled, as the wolf slowly clawed at his flailing arms.

"Oh fine. But just know, I haven't had much practice with weapons and such recently, so there's like, a 50 percent chance I'll kill you during this rescue procedure." warned Isaac, as he drew his sword from it's sheath.

"Oh brother." moaned pepper. "How is this guy WUSSCASE material...?"

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	3. Kill it and They Will Come

**Where the Quest Takes Us 2**

**Chapter 3: Kill it, and They Will Come**

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"Okay, you giant wolf! You're about to taste some ISAAC!" yelled our spiky-haired hero.

"Yes, that's what I'm worried about." remarked Dr. Pepper, still pinned beneath the wolf's bulk.

"What? Oh! Well, I didn't mean it like that..." Isaac said.

"AUGH! Just kill the supid wolf, you bumbling moron!" Pepper screamed, as the wolf gave a low growl.

"Fine." said Isaac raising his sword and charging. "EEEE!" he squealed, and brought his sword down on the back of the wolf's neck. The large animal slumped over almost instantly.

"See? That wasn't so hard!" encouraged Pepper.

"AAAHHHHH!" came a scream from further down the trail.

"Who's there?" demanded Isaac. A few seconds later, a small girl came running up to them.

"YOU KILLED MY DOG!" she screamed, tears flowing from her eyes.

"Dog? What the hell kind of dog was THAT?" Isaac shouted.

"Watch your language." said Pepper, turning to the little girl, who was kneeling beside her dog, crying. "Your dog attacked me." he explained.

"Attacked you! He would never do that!" she screamed.

"Well, it's true." Pepper said. "And we're deeply sorry."

"That sounded sarcastic." remarked Isaac.

"You aren't helping." said the doctor.

"Oh, sorry." Isaac said sarcastically.

"YOU ARE EVIL MEN!" shouted the little girl.

"Well, to be fair, my accomplice here isn't much of a man..." Pepper said.

"What!" Isaac barked. "I'm more manly than some NERD like you could ever hope to be! I SCOFF AT YOUR MANLYNESS!"

"JUST BRING MY DOG BACK!" cried the girl.

"Quiet, girl. The adults are talking." Isaac hushed her.

"YOU MEANIE!" she said, kicking him square in the shin.

"OW!" he yelped. "You little bit-"

"Watch your language." Pepper said. "Now, as for bringing back your dog... Isaac! You're a Venus Adept, no? You should just use your Revive ability!"

"Uh, see... The thing about that is... Well, Revive is an ability that I get from the Djinn, and I kinda gave all of my Djinn to Garet, so..." Isaac mumbled.

"Why would you _give_ your Djinn to someone?" asked Pepper.

"Well, I didn't so much _give_ them to Garet so much as I _lost _them... Like, in a game of poker." explained Isaac.

"You gambled away ALL OF YOUR DJINN?" Pepper hollered.

"It wasn't a gamble! I had TWO FREAKIN' ACES! TWO! Is there any better hand?" Isaac defended.

"Two... Oh man! By the gods, how did a fool such as yourself ever make it into WUSSCASE?" Dr. Pepper wondered aloud.

"Well, it's kind of a long story." Isaac said. "But obviously I'm dangerously underqualified for this, and should go back home now. Bye!" said Isaac, turning to leave, but Pepper grabbed him by the shoulder.

"You aren't going anywhere. You were assigned to this mission, and you're gonna do it, underqualified or not!"

"I WANT MY DOG BACK!" screamed the young girl.

"Fine. All I need is a few Djinn, and you'll get your damn dog back. So, seen any Djinn?" Issac asked her.

"I'm telling my dad!" she sobbed, and ran off in the direction she came from.

"Oh, crap." cursed Isaac. "I'll bet her dad's like, some big, redneck lumberjack guy! He's probably got a big axe, and he'll be like, 20 feet tall, and he'll come over here and say: "Hey! You two fools killed my daughter's dog! Now I'm gonna axe you good!" and then he'll axe us good! I DON'T WANNA GET AXED!" Isaac rambled.

"Oh, calm down. All we have to do is explain what happened. I'm sure he'll be reasonable." Pepper said cooly. So he and Isaac sat down against a nearby rock. Fifteen minutes later, the little girl reappeared, followed by a 7 foot tall man, who was, in fact, carrying a large axe. But it was no lumberman's axe; he was carrying a full-sized, double-edged battleaxe, which looked to be stained with blood. The man was clad in only a pair of large boots, and black pants, so that his massive, bulging muscles were being shown off.

"Aww, crap! Who would've guessed her dad was a fuggin' demigod?" said Isaac.

"You the two bastards that killed my daughter's dog?" the man asked.

"Well, it's not really that simple." started Dr. Pepper. "You see, we really had no-"

"Yes or no. Did you kill the dog?" he asked again.

"Well, yes, but-"

"Then you die." he said, adopting a fierce battle stance.

"Man, they must've really loved that dog, huh?" asked Isaac, turning his head towards Pepper.

"Well, Isaac. You must've killed enemies tougher than this man during your many travels, right?" Pepper asked, swallowing hard.

"I suppose, but back then I had between 3 and 7 other people helping me. Right now all I've got is an old man, and an unfortunate lack of Djinn." Isaac said. "So there's only one thing to do."

"And what would that be?" asked Pepper.

"Well, if you distract him somehow, I'll plant my sword in his spine! Sound good?"

"And why do you think he'd go for the defenceless old man _before_ he goes for the young saviour of the world, who happens to be holding a large sword?" Pepper asked.

"Just chuck a rock at 'im, or something. I unno." Isaac shrugged. "But I'd say, it's go time!" he added, dodging the first of the axe-wielders blows.

"We're done for..." said Pepper solemnly, looking for a rock to throw, as Isaac danced around the various axe swings. After a quick scan of the area, he noticed that, sitting atop a nearby cliff, was a rather large boulder. "Hmm... If I could just nudge that boulder a couple of feet..." he thought, and started trying to find a way up the cliff face.

"You will taste my axe, knave!" shouted the axeman. "For I am Harthir Wormcrusher, mightiest warrior in all Weyard!"

"Wow. That's one helluva name." Isaac said, gracefully dodging yet another swing. "Maybe I'll name my firstborn son that, in honour of your death!"

"Worm!" shouted Harthir, swinging at Isaac's legs with a low cut.

"Where are you, old man! I NEED SOME HELP!" Isaac bellowed, but there was no answer. For another thirty seconds, Isaac dodged the great axe, waiting for an oppourtunity to strike. Then, he heard a call.

"Isaac! Move!" came Pepper's voice. Isaac looked to where the voice had come from. There was Pepper, standing atop a tall cliff, and below him, a large boulder, rolling right at them. Isaac tried to keep Harthir distracted until the boulder rolled over him, but his efforts were in vain. Harthir noticed the boulder, leaped out of the way, and let out a loud laugh as it rolled over Isaac.

"Crap." said Dr. Pepper.

---

"Wow. That was possibly the fastest ferry ride I've ever been on between Apojii and wherever-we-are!" Ivan remarked.

"WUSSCASE owns the two fastest vessels in the world!" Qui said proudly. "Well, not counting that flying ship you guys had. Whatever happened to that, anyway? We could use it."

"I unno. Maybe pirates stole it." Ivan suggested.

"I thought only Adepts could use it." Qui said.

"Okay, Adept pirates." Ivan said. "Now, where can I get some food? I haven't eaten all morning!"

"Well, we've got about a four hour hike to the WUSSCASE headquarters." said Qui.

"Four hours! That's ridiculous! Why don't they have some kind of transport service?"

"HQ's gotta remain as secret as possible. That's why we harbour our ships so far away." Qui explained. "We're actually working on an underground tunnel between here and HQ, but it's not gonna be done for a few years."

"Hey, where'd Piers go?" Ivan asked suddenly.

"Good question." said Qui, taking a look around. "Why'd we bring him, again?"

"Because he's a pathetic loser, and would've committed suicide if I'd left him on Apojii alone." Ivan said darkly.

"I heard that! Meanie!" came Piers' voice from some random enclosed area.

"Where are you?" Qui yelled back at him.

"Uh, it's kind of embarassing, but I've locked myself inside the ship's storage compartment!" Piers called back.

"But there's no lock on that door!"

"That's why it's embarassing..." he said, as Ivan fell to the ground in a fit of laughter.

"Oh brother..." Qui said, and went back to the ship to unlock the door. When she had done so, and led Piers back to where Ivan was waiting, they noticed someone walking towards them.

"Who's there?" Ivan called. There was no answer, but the person kept walking towards them. When he was close enough for everyone to see his face, Qui smiled.

"That's WUSSCASE's new director!" she said happily. "I don't know why he's come out here to see us, though..."

"Indeed I am." said the person. He appeared to be only a few years older than Ivan, and had black hair. He wore a dark blue tunic, and a black cape. "I'd tell you my name, but it doesn't matter, since you will be referring to me as 'Director' from now on. Understood?" he said coldly as he scanned the trio.

"Can I ask why you came out here to greet us, Director?" asked Qui.

"Because it would have been a waste of your time to hike all the way back to base. I'm sending you out on your mission right now. Only, I've changed your objectives." the Director answered her.

"Um, how did you change them?" Qui quizzed him.

"Well, your first objective is to find Agent Pepper and the agent who he was assigned to contact. My recent intel says they were waylaid somewhere between Loho and Tolbi. In this area, near the mountains, there is a small village. I want you to go there, and see what you can learn. By sending you to Tolbi, I am not only rescuing two of my agents, I am saving precious time by not having to wait for those two to make it all the way here, then sending them right back to Tolbi."

"Understood." said Qui.

"Once you find Agents Pepper and Isaac, Agent Qui will fill you all in on your actual assignment. Is that clear, Agent Ivan?"

"Sure." Ivan answered casually.

"One more thing. I should like to know who your friend is, and why he is here." the Director told Ivan.

"Well, his name's Piers, and he's supposed to be a sailor, but I think he's forgotten all about that since we moved to the Apojii Islands. Now he's just kind of a wussie." Ivan explained.

"I'm not going to just sit here and be called a wussie." Piers said crossly. "I have SOME dignity, you know."

"Sure ya do." Ivan said, dismissing Piers with a wave of his hand. "It's alright if he tags along with us, right? I mean, he's pretty good in a combat situation. Makes a nice human shield... I mean, ally!"

"Well, normally I'd say no, but I suppose more help on your assignment would be a good thing." the Director paused and thought for a moment. "He seems honourable enough. I shall make him a temporary WUSSCASE agent."

"Hot stuff!" cheered Piers.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you..." Ivan turned to Piers. "If you're gonna travel with us, you're gonna have to turn down the gay, alright?"

"What? I'm not-"

"Let's get going." said Qui, grabbing them both by their pant legs and walking toward their ship.

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Mr. Jupiter: Well, that chapter was longer than usual... Maybe I'll make them all this long. Anyway, I updated quicker this time. Hooray! Remember, I always need viewer feedback! Please review!


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